Robben Ford Discussion

[spatzi]

Here's an 8 minute sample of what I've had to endure during vocalist/bass/drummer auditions from the last 8 months of trying to start a Ford cover band.

First vocalist audition: Rugged road/Worried life blues

This was the guy who invited us to his 'recording studio' at a farm in the middle of nowhere, and it was nothing but an incredibly filthy 'Silence of the lambs' type basement with a large bong table. What a surprise that he turned out to be so melodious! Key lyrics: "Oh Lordy Lord!", "...hurts me so bad..." Oh yes, it does.

Second vocalist audition: Strong will to live/Tired of talkin'/Don't let me be misunderstood/Think twice (starts at 2:30)

Considerably shaken up from the Mr. Bong experience, we thought we'd try to get a female singer this time. Can you say, 'Interesting vibrato?' Thought you could. It's like Edith Piaf crossed with Stevie Nicks.

Third vocalist audition: Rugged road (starts at 6:33)

Can you say, 'Excellent pitch'? Key lyrics, "I was stumblin blind...no one could help me." Really nice girl, but not quite what we needed. Remember: all these 'singers' had heard the songs and practiced them before auditioning.

Fourth vocalist audition: Strong will to live (starts at 7:17)

And the winner is...

This is the female 'vocalist' who told me she was 'extremely talented', and picked up my guitar without permission. Seriously, this rendition is better than anything off a Weird Al Yankovic album, and if there is ever to be a Robben Ford tribute album, you KNOW this is going to be on it. I think Robben would personally put up the cash to make sure it's on a tribute album. Not only does the vocal make Yoko Ono sound like Emmylou Harris, check out the hilarious bass playing at the 7:31 point. Tom Waits would be proud. It's the 'Boss TUBA pedal' that does it! Key lyrics here: '...don't lose your mind.' Too late, I already did. Notice that during the last 12 seconds of the clip, you don't hear me playing anymore. That's because I had indeed lost the will to live, and was lying on the floor having convulsions. We have already been hired by the Jim Rose Circus, so catch us on tour this summer!

So there you have it. This is the joy that awaits all of you musicians who want to form a band. Enjoy every minute, take your anti-depressants daily, and don't forget to record every session so you don't miss any of the magic!

PS- If any of you would like to have the full version of these songs on mp3 for your next party or funeral engagement, please let me know.

PPS- Seriously now, I don't play with any of these people anymore, and actually put up with some of them (a drummer and bass player) for far too long. Why? Because I was a wuss that was too gutless to kick them out and look for better players, because I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. All this did was waste a lot of time and delay the inevitable. What is amazing is how bad the entire band will sound just from one bad player, be it vocalist, dummer or bass. My playing is also shit on these tracks, because I'm playing with mediocre people and you get dragged down. No inspiration at all. Don't ever play with people below your level. Try at least for equal your level, and preferably better than your level.


http://www.yousendit.com/transfer.php?action=download&ufid=A7C403F160417A33

[sfhalo]

Oh!..............How I remember those days..........1960's & 1970's!! Though I wasn't a saint, I look back and think that the primary reason most of the musicians in my bands were playing had to do with the drugs, drinking, &, most important..........the women! The music definitely was secondary to all the rest and we sounded pretty bad at times because of the abuses. I was even fired from my own band after complaining many times about the reason we should be playing.........the music! And, I was rehired when they couldn't find another capable guitarist and were going to lose a gig at the South Jersey shore during the summer of 1973. Needless to say, they had to eat crow!!!! And, like you, I put up with a number of marginal players because I liked them, personally. But, eventually.............I located some very good players who stayed with me until my playing days ended in 1978. So, I feel for you and the audition process............but, part of the game, as they say! Good luck!

[PaulG]

Pretty funny stuff, Spatzi. And I haven't ever heard the mp3s yet. Looks like a new reality show in the making. Oh, that's right. Guess there's already thirty or so already doing this.

So much for that 'open mic' night I've been working up the courage to play at!

Keep the faith and eventually you'll be rewarded with fellow musicians with your level of committment for years to come. Like Savoy Brown. (or any other of a hundred bands that change players like underwear.)

[JohnnyZ]

That's classic stuff! Although I'm here at work, I could "hear" my dog howling to the Bongman...

I cannot believe that all of these people thought they could really sing. Kind of inspiring though- makes me want to redevelop my voice...

[Daved]

I, too, have had MY share of airhead stories from my years as a player... the guitarist who ate at a popular Taco chain and developed explosive diarrhea, the drummer who once a week had his water heater breakdown and flood the basement (conveniently just before every practice or gig), the "serious" performers with controlling wives and family or dayjob commitments, the performers who were "too good" to rehearse or practice, or the performers who just plain "forgot" to show up for gigs and "took the family to the movies" instead, etc., etc.

And then there was the show where a total stranger to the band unexpectedly showed up to play bass because his "bass teacher" of 4 weeks, the actual band bass player, had sent him along in his place without informing the rest of us, because there was a TV show he had decided he absolutely could not miss that night.

Or who can forget the time one band configuration got soooo stoned before the show that they could not remember how to end one of our songs and then kept taking my signals to just fade out the tune as signals to jam some more, even when I very visibly left the stage, went out in the audience, and with a great show of frustration, sat down in an empty chair in the front row with the wives & girlfriends to watch the rest of the band watch me as they jammed on for another 20 minutes with very confused looks on their faces. Not a one of them got the hint, as that one 3 minute tune went on for over half an hour!

My son's band had to turn down their invite to be part of last year's Lollapalooza tour when their new singer, right in the middle of their own headline tour in support of their newest album (a tour which had been booked months in advance), decided that he needed to blow off 2 weeks worth of gigs by suddenly disappearing to go home to visit his family and friends in South Carolina for Thanksgiving, thus bringing their tour to an unexpectedly sudden and screeching halt.
_________________
B C-ing U!
( }:-Daved
"This boy's diseased with rhythm!" -Bing Crosby (Road To Rio, '49)

[spatzi]

It's always good to hear similar horror stories from others. I used to think that it would be so easy to get it all together, as long as 'I' was serious about it. How naive.

I'm posting a new upload link as the one I'm using seems to be have some kind of limit on it. The new link will expire in one week, so jump on it!

[stratoskier]

Oh man, Spatzi -- thanks for sharing! This does bring back memories. The only thing that could top auditions for a blues band would be auditions for a rock band, especially in a college town. About 15 years ago, I was in a well-booked rock cover band doing the local bar scene and short tours. We advertised for a new lead singer in the college paper and had around 100 responses (really!). You would think the odds would be in our favor with that many aspiring vocalists, but OMG! It was unbelievable what we heard.

The highlight was undoutedly the ranch kid who showed up complete with boots, hat, bandana tied around the neck, etc. and proceeded to sing Cult of Personality (very heavy metal sounding tune) with a pronounced twang. When he realized that wasn't working, he offered to sing a solo number for us. That was "Home on the Range" complete with a harp solo. (Remember we're talking about a loud rock band here). As Dave Barry would say, "I'm not making this up."

Incidentally, I think Mr. Bong gets my vote. It would take some work, but there were bits where he had some soul, in a John Mayall sort of way. I heard possibilities there.

Cheers,
Bert

[Ron S]

I agree with stratoskier, I thought that Mr. Bong had real potential and that he sounded like John Mayall.

Was that last one really a woman? Don't suppose you wanted to check?

[spatzi]

That last one was indeed a woman. She's the one who hired drunk guys for her recording sessions. She's the one who wanted to play senior homes.

I'm going to put up a couple 'better' vocal versions of 'Rugged road' now for comparison.