Joined: 08 Aug 2003 Posts: 943 Location: Terra Firma, Ether Sea
Posted: Wed Dec 24, 2003 2:16 pm Post subject: ( }:-D
Aeolian wrote:
Okay, this is a bit long, and can be made longer in the telling but I'll try to get to the punch line quicly.
A group of explorers are trudging though the jungle when they hear the sounds of distant drums. Concerned, they ask their native guide if there is anything to worry about. The guide replies "yes, drums not so good, but when drums stop, is very bad".
The explorers continue on, but the sounds of the drumming gets louder and louder. The guide continues to reassure them, "drums not so good, but when drums stop, is very bad".
Finally they reach a clearing and suddenly they hear the now close by sound of the drumming stop. Frightened, they ask the native guide, "What happens next?"
To which the guide replies, "now come bass solo".
This is, I believe, bassist Stu Hamm's favorite joke of all time.
First time I ever heard it was in his telling, and I can't even guesstimate (another "Funk & Daved Classic Reference Library [New Revised Edition]" selection for you, Liz) the number of times I have sat thru his take on this joke (He always goes for the long version and he always laughs the hardest!)... even if everyone present has already heard it! _________________ B C-ing U!
( }:-Daved
"This boy's diseased with rhythm!" -Bing Crosby (Road To Rio, '49)
Joined: 16 Jul 2003 Posts: 534 Location: SF Bay area
Posted: Wed Dec 24, 2003 2:30 pm Post subject: tells you how strange I am (in case you didn't know)
Daved,
I love it when the person telling the joke is the one who is laughing hardest....definitely beats my delivery...I have this habit of forgetting the punchline...I doubt this surprises any of you.
I sent a rather poor taste one in a PM to Aeolian, but aw hell, here goes:
How does a lead singer commit suicide?
She piles all of her outfits up realllllly high, then jumps off.
Posted: Wed Dec 24, 2003 6:28 pm Post subject: Yet another oldie . . .
A musician dies and goes to Heaven and Saint Peter tells him he's really going to enjoy the afterlife, but "there's good news and bad news". "Give me the good news first", says the musician. "Well", says Saint Peter, you get to play in the finest clubs, you get free food and drinks, you can take long breaks whenever you like, everybody applauds and appreciates your music, you get paid really well, you have the best sidemen in the history of music, and you get your pick of recording contracts. "Wow, that sounds great", says the musician, "What could the bad news possibly be?" "Well", says Saint Peter, "GOD has this GIRLFRIEND, and she thinks she can SING!"
Posted: Thu Dec 25, 2003 1:30 am Post subject: Yet another oldie . . .
iamthewalrus wrote:
A musician dies and goes to Heaven and Saint Peter tells him he's really going to enjoy the afterlife, but "there's good news and bad news". "Give me the good news first", says the musician. "Well", says Saint Peter, you get to play in the finest clubs, you get free food and drinks, you can take long breaks whenever you like, everybody applauds and appreciates your music, you get paid really well, you have the best sidemen in the history of music, and you get your pick of recording contracts. "Wow, that sounds great", says the musician, "What could the bad news possibly be?" "Well", says Saint Peter, "GOD has this GIRLFRIEND, and she thinks she can SING!"
Here is a variation : "well sounds great, now what about the bad news ", " well you'll play an E7 forever.
Joined: 04 Nov 2003 Posts: 886 Location: SF Bay Area
Posted: Thu Dec 25, 2003 3:31 am Post subject:
PierreL wrote:
How do you make a guitarist stop playing ?
Put a chart in front of him.
Yep, I've heard the variation "How do you make a quitarist turn down? Put sheet music in front of him". _________________ There are no such things as wrong notes, there's only the look on your face.
My Stuff: www.stevekirbymusic.com
Posted: Thu Dec 25, 2003 4:47 pm Post subject: "Classical . . . "
The symphony orchestra was performing Beethoven's Ninth. In the piece, there's a long passage, about 20 minutes, during which the bass players have nothing to do. Rather than sit around that whole time looking stupid, some bassists decided to sneak offstage and go to the tavern next door for a quick one. After slamming several beers in quick succession, one of them looked at his watch and said, "Hey! We need to get back!" "No need to panic," said a fellow bassist. "I thought we might need some extra time, so I tied the last few pages of the conductor's score together with string. It'll take him a few minutes to get it untangled." A few moments later they staggered back to the concert hall and took their places in the orchestra. About this time, a member of the audience noticed the conductor seemed a bit edgy and said as much to her companion. "Well, of course," said her companion. "Don't you see? It's the bottom of the Ninth, the score is tied, and the bassists are loaded."
Joined: 19 Sep 2003 Posts: 646 Location: City of Trees, USA
Posted: Wed Dec 31, 2003 11:52 pm Post subject:
Q: What's the definition of "perfect pitch"?
A: When you toss a banjo into a dumpster ... and hit an accordian.
Q: What's the difference between a soprano saxophone and a lawnmower?
A: You can tune a lawnmower.
Q: What do you call a guy who hangs out with jazz musicians?
A: A drummer.
And the other day I heard a radio interview with a folk singer who claims he drives around with a bumper sticker on his car that reads, "I play accordian -- and I vote!"
Posted: Fri Jan 02, 2004 9:02 am Post subject: Re: A variation
bob mc wrote:
Why did the alto sax player stand outside his house all night?
He had no idea when to come in.
(my first post and its awful...)
Oh this one is great, why did the " guitar player, frenchman, drummer(and i know one), bass player, postman, cop, lawyer..................austrian guy.....................welcome
Joined: 15 Aug 2003 Posts: 234 Location: Hartlepool, U.K.
Posted: Mon Jan 05, 2004 12:24 am Post subject:
What do you get from a pig that plays a '59 Les Paul? _________________ "Creativeness often consists of merely turning up what is already there. Did you know that right and left shoes were only thought up a little more than a century ago?" - Bernice Fitz-Gibbon 1894-1982
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Blob
i really don't know tell me . 