Robben Ford Discussion

StratCat · Posted: Sun May 23, 2004 4:13 am Post subject: Have YOU got the blues?

Apologies if anyone's seen this before... from my email today...

Subject: How to sing the blues....

1. Most Blues begin with: "Woke up this morning...

2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues unless you stick something nasty in the next line like "I got a good woman with the meanest face in town."

3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes, sort of: "Got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher, and she weigh 500 pound."

4. The Blues is not about choice. Your stuck in a ditch, your stuck in a ditch. There ain't no way out.

5. Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or SUVs. Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft and state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running. Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.

6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis

7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or anyplace in Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just clinical depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City are still great places to have the Blues. You cannot have the blues anyplace that don't get rain.

8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the Blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg 'cause you were skiing is not the blues. Breaking your leg 'cause a alligator be chomping on it is.

9. You can't have no Blues in a office or a shopping mall. The lighting is wrong. Go out to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.

10. Good places for the Blues:
a. highway
b. jailhouse
c. empty bed
d. bottom of a whiskey glass

Bad places for the Blues:
a. Nordstrom's
b. gallery openings
c. Ivy League colleges
d. golf courses

11. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you happen to be an old, ethnic person, and you slept in it.

12. Do you have the right to sing the Blues?
Yes, if:
a. you older than dirt
b. you blind
c. you shot a man in Memphis
d. you can't be satisfied

No, if:
a. you have all your teeth
b. you were once blind but now can see
c. the man in Memphis lived
d. you have a 401K or trust fund

13. Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues. Sonny Liston could. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the blues.

14. If you ask for water and your darlin' give you gasoline, it's the Blues.
Other acceptable Blues beverages are:
a. cheap wine
b. whiskey or bourbon
c. muddy water
d. nasty black coffee

The following are NOT Blues beverages:
a. Perrier
b. Chardonnay
c. Snapple
d. Slim Fast

15. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So are the electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely on a broken-down cot.

You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or while getting liposuction.

16. Some Blues names for women:
a. Sadie
b. Big Mama
c. Bessie
d. Fat River Dumpling

17. Some Blues names for men:
a. Joe
b. Willie
c. Little Willie
d. Big Willie

18. Persons with names like Amber, Jennifer, Tiffany, Debbie, and Heather can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.

19. Make your own Blues name Starter Kit:
a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.)
b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime,etc..)
c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)

Examples: Blind Lime Jefferson, Jackleg Lemon Johnson.

20. No matter how tragic your life, if you own a computer you cannot sing
the blues.
_________________
because I rock, and that's important.

Bluelobster · Posted: Sun May 23, 2004 4:50 am Post subject:

Wow man, you did a mean work, too much for reading all in a row , but for what i read you're right , some of fellow musicians call me "Magic" Pierre, and i feel honored.
Now i agree , just find a good thread then stress it all over and you have a good one (depending of the style) like my #1 hit in chicago blues style
You've been told (not to get that close to my babe).
But i like to develop on metaphysical topics like my favorite slow blues :
everybody is all alone during his life long.

After that i love to translate Robben's blues in french : Chevrolet became Twingo (acheap french car), Going down slow became J'aurais bien rigolé
and so and.....

Blues can happen anywhere : i have just to read your mail , you'r pouring blues out of you and just don't know how to express it.

#8 : I ain't crocodile dundee, why not a blues about a man breaking his leg
in a ski resort while trying to shave 'epilate) his girlfriend ???????that's would be a mean one

Where did you find all these insanities?????
#16 Big Legged Woman

May the muses of blues help you in your quest.

Aeolian · Posted: Sun May 23, 2004 9:49 am Post subject:

At yesterday's clinic, Robben quoted a line from Sunhouse, "If it ain't about money, women, or liquour, it ain't the blues". Of course for women it would be "money, men, or liquour". The blues are equal opportunity.

And if you do have a 401K, or live in Hawaii or Minneapolis you must compensate by wearing a hat and having funny facial hair Laughing

_________________
There are no such things as wrong notes, there's only the look on your face.
My Stuff: www.stevekirbymusic.com

Daved · Posted: Sun May 23, 2004 10:21 am Post subject:

I enjoyed your list, Strat.

During the 80's one of my best friends and I used to occassionally appear around Portland, Oregon as a blues duet called "Blind Eye & Bald Eagle" with Craig singing about the "Old Man Blues" and such as I pounded out crude blues riffs on an old beat up acoustic. Though Craig in reality is not truely blind, I, of course, am bald... which, despite what your list may say, CAN be worthy of the blues. Wink

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B C-ing U!
( }:-Daved
"This boy's diseased with rhythm!" -Bing Crosby (Road To Rio, '49)

Leftbender · Posted: Sun May 23, 2004 12:20 pm Post subject:

StratCat's story is great fun, and many of it is tru. But you will never be able to play the blues if you never had it. Some scratches on your soul are needed!!
_________________
"Don't play what's there, play what's not there" Miles Davis

JavaDiva · Posted: Sun May 23, 2004 2:29 pm Post subject: The Blues

Strat, thanks for the laughs. If I have a 401k but lose my job, can I sing the blues? Or would I have to work for Enron first?

StratCat · Posted: Sun May 23, 2004 6:21 pm Post subject:

heh heh - thanks guys. Surprised more people haven't seen this as it's been through my email a few times over the years!

I'm still trying to digest some of it myself! What is a 401K? Also, the place names need some translation for Australia, as do the car models. e.g. our General Motors brand out here is 'Holden'. "Buy you a Holden" doesn't work quite as well as "Buy you a Chevrolet" and I'm certain Don McLean would never have driven a Holden to the levy if he was Australian.

The president's names thing doesn't quite work, except for our current leader - "Little Johnny Howard" is a seriously good blues name.

This also reminds me of my favourite quote from the Simpsons:

nineacres · Posted: Mon May 24, 2004 3:00 am Post subject:

11. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you happen to be an old, ethnic person, and you slept in it.

And it's well-known that Eric Clapton wears Armani suits. Hmm ...

Yours Truly,

Deaf Dave Washington
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"Creativeness often consists of merely turning up what is already there. Did you know that right and left shoes were only thought up a little more than a century ago?" - Bernice Fitz-Gibbon 1894-1982